Out With the Old...

Well, we're reaching the finale of another year. To recap, here is a brief quiz to test your knowledge and see how much you've been paying attention over the last 12 months - Answer true of false:

Q1: Imperial Leather is better than liquid soap.
Q2: If Girls Aloud offered you a "6-some", you would accept.
Q3: This blog is a melting pot of witty observations, social commentary and insightful philosophy which, if read at least once a day, brings great joy to, and deeply enriches and enlightens the lives of all who read it.

I'm afraid that's it.

Personal Jihad

Would the easily offended please look away now! (you shouldn't be reading this blog anyway)

PERSONAL JIHAD

Your own personal Jihad
Your own extremist "crusade"
AKs and grenades
Your own personal Jihad
Someone who hates the West
More than the rest

Sitting at home
And your all alone
Imam calls
On the telephone
Lift up the receiver
He'll make you a believer
Twist the Quran
Make it more extreme
America's your foe
Or so it seems
Remember 9/11
Your brothers went to "heaven"

Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal Jihad
Someone who'll wash your brain
Someone who trains
Your own personal Jihad
Someone whom Bush and Blair
Can strike from the air

Feeling unknown
But your not alone
Your brothers are waiting
It's time to go
Pledge your life to Allah
And Tikka Massala
It's quite a task
But you're not afraid
Tactics you learned
From the CIA
The training gets harder
And you learn to be a martyr

Reach out and touch faith
Your own personal Jihad
Reach out and touch faith

N.B. to the tune of Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode.

In Space, No-One Can Hear Your Muslim Jokes

I picked up this transmission, from a distant star:

%$££$>@'(**^%$%^

This translates as:
"Why did Mohammed cross the road?..."
"A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Sunni..."
"A muslim walks into a bar..."

Now I'm no expert but this message looks like a set of unfinished muslim jokes - it seems that no one can think up any decent muslim jokes.

Ain't this blog great?

Backdraft!

Oh wait! No, I do have something to say...

Today is the first time in well over a year that my bank balance has gone > 0. To celebrate the paying off of the overdraft, I will be having a party in my Ayrshire residence. There will be jelly, ice cream, clowns - heck, there might even be midgets going about with trays of cocaine (a la Freddie Mercury - if rumour is to be believed).
All my readers are invited. I think one tub of ice cream will suffice for the 3 of us.

Bank balance > 0 - but for how long.....................................................................................?

** UPDATE 001 **

Back by popular demand, here is the first hourly update.

Do you like it?

Is That Aloud?

I've got a mild infatuation with Girls Aloud. Even the ginger one is hot!

Before you know it, I'll be an Avid Merrion-esque stalker. I fuckin' love Girls Aloud.

Biting Social Commentary

What is it with ned girls and that music with the chipmunk vocals? Why oh why on public transport?! Epidemic? Quite possibly.

Fucking chipmunks.

Empire of the Soap

It dawned on me recently that those stickers you get on a bar of Imperial Leather soap are probably for protecting the surface of your sink, bath or whatever. With normal, stickerless soap you sit it down after use and bits of it stick to the surface, leaving a mess. However, with Imperial Leather you can sit it down on the sticker side, and as it is slightly raised, the soap itself makes no contact with the surface. The result? No mess!

Your thoughts?