Familiar Territory

Day number 4 of my new-found unemployment. This time round, I don't feel quite so daunted. I know exactly what to expect. The important thing is to keep focussed, maintain clear objectives and to keep occupied. Otherwise, one is vulnerable to that feeling of being useless, being a reject of society, and can slip into the habit of moping around, feeling incredibly bored, anxious and feeling sorry for oneself. I think the main thing is to keep control. Once you feel as if you're losing control of your life, the panic can set in. I nearly made a big mistake yesterday; I was feeling lethargic and lay in bed to rest my eyes. I had Sky News on in the background. My feet were a bit chilly, so I wrapped my duvet around myself - Big mistake! I then drifted off to sleep (this was around 2pm), and found myself waking 4 hours later! My concern was that this would lead to a reverse sleep pattern, but fortunately I was able to get to sleep around 3am and wake around 10am - Phew, close shave!

Currently I've been taking it easy and enjoying the gorgeous weather that has suddenly appeared. I've decided next week will be a fresh start where I can begin searching for another job, sign on etc. Like I say, I just feel relieved about leaving the job, and the pain in my eyes has been gradually easing. The burning has gone away and I think the tissue around them is gradually healing. Touch wood. I went to see a doctor in Cambuslang, who pointed me in the direction of Southern General hospital, as there in their A & E dept they have a specialist eye unit, which has all kinds of fancy equipment for examining your eyes. I was going to go today but I think I'll just see how the problem is over the next couple of days and if still bad, I will go and get it checked out. My gut feeling is that it may (hopefully) not be a condition but simply the result of intensive eye strain. I must have done myself damage all those months ago and it simply needs time to heal up. I was always puzzled by the cause of this, but I reckon I've probably damaged my eyes' natural protection, i.e. (or should that be "eye. e"?) the protective tears and the surrounding tissue, and as a result, they are incredibly vulnerable to light of any sort. I see it as analogous to the comparative atmospheres on the Earth and the Moon - Imagining the Earth as a giant eyeball, which has an atmosphere to protect it from the Sun's rays, then take the Moon, which has virtually no atmosphere and hence its surface is bombarded with cosmic rays, thus frazzling the surface. I think my eyeballs are similar to the Moon in this case. Crazy? Probably.

I'm hoping that if I just avoid light as much as possible then gradually my eye problem will go away. Hopefully there will be no need to go to the hospital. I suppose it is a measure of my determination to stay in the job, given that I always had this problem, but it is also a measure of my sheer stupidity for not putting my health first and getting it seen to (pardon the pun) right away.

Well, now to the present. Soon it'll sink in that I no longer have any income, and it's more that likely I'll have to leave my "luxury accomodation". I don't mind too much, but the real drag is the prospect of having to uproot yet again. This will be the 9th time in 3.5 years - I thought the days of putting all my stuff into black bin bags and moving from one place to another were over! Sigh. My other concern is how I'm going to cope with life without Sky!

At the moment I only have the humble ambition of having a steady job, and living in a nice place, for at least 2 years solid (even 1 year would be a luxury at the moment!), and hence laying the foundations on which to build some sort of life. In the short term, I'll probably have to move back to Prestwick on a temporary basis, then try to find another job, and then another flat. The trouble is, I've taken all the jobs/flats/houses I've had over the past year and a half, because of some desperate circumstances of some kind. It would be nice not to constantly be under so much pressure and hence not have to make rash and hurried decisions.

With this eye problem there is the obvious convern that I may not be able to work in IT again. I would hope that's not the case, as that would be 4 years of university down the pan. Besides, I enjoy many aspects of IT, and although not ideal, I think that if I can solve the eye problem than I'd like to get back into such a job. It's a pity that circumstances have been as they are, but maybe it's a blessing in a very concealing disguise.

The clock is ticking yet again and the sands of my bank balance are beginning to slip away.

Back To the Drawing Board

Yours truly has lost yet another job and so the unemployment cycle continues - just after I recently broke my record for time in a job, as well - oh dear!

Eyes On Fire
For months now, I've been troubled by a pain in and around my eyes. I've always had it to some extent, including when I was at university, and basically just got used to it, but it only started to get really bad during the quality time I spent working in a call centre doing 12 hr shifts. I think it was partly triggered by tiredness on a couple of occasions, but the main cause was probably staring at the computer screen for hours on end. Gradually my eyes became quite sore, until eventually I was regularly experiencing a burning pain in the tissue around my eye sockets. I put up with it for ages, sort of expecting it to gradually go away, but I think I was just doing myself more damage. Eventually I left the job as I couldn't take the pain any more. I should've got it checked out but assumed at this point it would go away. No such luck. The problem persisted throughout the time I was unemployed, which made it that much harder to find another job. At this stage I thought the problem was still bad due to irregular sleeping patterns.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I got the job at Mosaic, and although the eye problem was not always too bad, it was generally troubling me, and recently got to the point where it was unbearable and after I'd taken one too many days off sick (for other reasons too, such as the flu), I was sacked.
In conclusion, it sucks.

Regrets?
I've had a few - but then again, too few to mention. In this case, though, I'm more relieved than regretful. Mainly, I think, because I'm away from intensive computer work and will no longer have to endure that awful discomort I was going through on a daily basis. I don't think I'll miss the company, but I did make a couple of friends there (you know who you are). Overall it's a big disappointment that a health issue such as this has prevented me from performing to my potential in what was an alright job with ok prospects.

What Now?
Bring on the unemployment! I should probably find another job ASAP, and need to start soon before the rot sets in and I end up with reverse sleep patterns, anxiety and depression and descend into the dark world of self-pity (i.e. typical symptoms of unemployment). I should probably sign on.

Easy As 123!

As of today, I've broken my previous personal record of length of time in a single job: 123 days (which is about 4 months). I'm very proud of myself, and to celebrate, I'm... um, in EasyInternet, typing this post!

Previous jobs I've had (excluding paper rounds as a boy) and their durations are as follows...

ScottishPower
- 3.5 months
Reason for leaving - sacked (timekeeping)

Sky Reinstates
- 10 days
Reason for leaving - sacked (illness)

ASA International (temping)
- 2 days
Reason for leaving - assignment ended

Goldfish
- 4 months
Reason for leaving - voluntary (stress/eye problems)

02
- 2 weeks
Reason for leaving - offer of better job

Mosaic Software Ltd
- 4 months

Y'know, some people would kill for a CV like that!

(Sarcasm, by the way).

Moana Lisa Frown

I've recently been berated for moaning too much in my blog, as there are children starving in the world, countries at war and people (apparently) working in places worse than East Kilbride. I live in a decent country, with no war or famine, have a job most people would love to have, and I still manage to be generally negative about it. I think I'm just like that; I've got this ideal of (realistically) where I would like to be at at this point in time, and if my actual situation doesn't match up to the "happy state", then I tend to moan about it. I try not to moan to people in real life, so my blog unfortunately gets the brunt of it! If things were going ok, I wouldn't moan, and would be all positive and cheery about it - that's just the way I am.

Anyway, as of now I vow not to moan for at least 30 days - a moan "fast", if you will. Wish me the best of luck, ya fanny.